Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The cat

So we have this cat. She's pretty much like every other cat on the planet. She sleeps 22 hours a day. She acts as if she's starving if her food dish isn't filled to the brim. She horks up a nasty little hairy alien every few weeks. She stops in front of me when I am carrying large objects in an effort to trip me. She sleeps in the sink. She thinks paper bags are cool.

Every cat on the planet does this shit. If you think your cat is unique because of these things or anything similar, you are mistaken. Your cat isn't special unless it can play Chopin on the harpsichord.

What makes our cat unique is that she also poops anywhere BUT her litter box; and only when we aren't looking. This means she craps all over the house at night. We got so tired of playing find-the-cat-poo every morning that we started making her sleep in the laundry room. Now she craps all over the dryer. I fold the laundry in my bedroom.

This is the first 20 minutes of my life pretty much every day

Wash hands
Start water boiling for coffee
Make Huck's Nexium
Grab paper towels and head to laundry room
Pick-up cat poo
Flush cat poo
Wash hands
Stir freshly ground coffee into boiled water
Disinfect top of the dryer
Give cat fresh food and water
Wash hands (disinfectant + cat food, not my scent combo of choice)
Take Nexium to Huck
Get lots of hugs and and earful of chatter (Huck is a morning person)
Push plunger down on coffee
Drink coffee

I seriously have to wash my hands three times before I even get to drink coffee and I'm not even a germaphobe. Anybody want a cat?


  1. That is the sweetest kitty in the world and she puts up with those two boys and lets them poke and prod on her and she's hardly any trouble at all. Live with the poop...she's a keeper!

    Long Live Kitty!!!!!!!!

  2. My dog does that too. Except that she also pees all over the house too. Including on beds.

  3. I am thinking . . .target practice . . .and that would be a 'no thanks'!

  4. Mandy, pee is a deal breaker! Pee on the bed would be kitty hari kari.

    Sarea, um, you once allowed a baby deer in your house and you turn your nose up at a little cat poo? Plus you have 3 kids, don't tell me you haven't encountered poo in unexpected places.

    Jo, she's just waiting for Luke or Millie to kick, then she's moving in with you.

  5. I'd take her in a heartbeat if I didn't already have 3! That's too close to being a crazy cat lady!!!