Wednesday, February 18, 2009

So I wasn't going to actually moon you

Disclaimer: I am using the word bottom in this post to discourage any pervy googlers who are looking for free stuff that rhymes with corn.  If I were telling you this story in person I would use more colorful language.

I was going to post a picture of my bottom today.  Half of you are really happy I didn't, the other half are disappointed.  Trust me, I know which category you fall into.

Here's the deal.  I got up at the crack (bottom pun intended) of dawn, as usual.  I showered, did the make-up & blow-dryer thing, as usual.  I dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, as usual.  Then I glanced in the mirror and saw something unusual.

HEY!  My rearview is particularly nice today!  

I was so excited to be having a good bottom day that I tried to take a picture of myself from the back (fully dressed, back-off google pervs).  I gave up after five minutes of failure.  Five minutes is my threshold for most annoying or uncomfortable things.  This is why I don't go to the gym. By the time I get up the stairs at the gym, I am annoyed and uncomfortable, so I'm out. 

That explains my shock at the pleasant rearview, right?

Anyway, all the extra thought about my bottom dialed up a memory for me.

Several years ago, Truck, Huck and I went out to lunch with some friends who had a new baby. At one point the new mom went to the restroom.  While she was gone, her husband asked us to make a big deal about how great she looked.  It seems she was really unhappy with her post-baby body and he didn't know how to soothe those particular feelings.

Truck jumped right in and told him that MY body didn't look like it used to and that they should both accept that this is the way it is after you have kids.

I screamed "WTF?" In my head.

Luckily I am a compartmentalizer.  By the time the meal was over I had processed the comment and was fine.

Truck wasn't saying that I was a fatty fatty fatso.  'Cause I'm not.  But I don't weigh a buck-o-five anymore either.  He wasn't insulting me, he was advising his friend.

So, back to my a... um.... bottom.  After you have kids, you look different, that's a fact. But for a brief moment, I was looking pretty awesome for a 35 year old mother of two who freely admits her love for junk food and aversion to the gym.

However, I just checked a minute ago.  The rearview is not looking so hot anymore.  Must have been those pancakes we ate for lunch.


  1. I'm at a loss for words...

    Not really. I'd have to be comatose for that to happen! I'm glad you had a nice rearview day. It's important that we hold on to those moments when we actually feel good about ourselves and when we are feeling less than flattering, we can retrieve the memories and...blah blah blah.

    I hope you have more good rearview days...and maybe Huck could get it on film for all of us to see (fully clothed, mind you!).

  2. I can hear the conversation now...

    Me: Hey, Huck go get the camera. My rearview looks fabulous today.

    Huck: Ok, Mama, turn around. Maybe you should put on some heels. Great, bend over a bit. Now, make a cheeky baby face over your shoulder at me.

    Okay, I have completely creeped myself out. I have to go sterilize by brain now.

  3. Yeah, gross...except him giggling would be cute!