So I have to add it up

I stopped watching the news when Huck was a newborn.  I was home nursing my precious boy one afternoon, when I saw a story about a man who slit his baby's throat.  His motive was that the child had changed his relationship with his wife too much.  He also added that the baby boy smiled at him before he slit his throat.  I was so angry at the local news station for adding that last bit of info. I actually put my baby down and went to throw up when I heard it.  Then I didn't put my baby down for several hours after that.  Every time I tried, I would start to shake. I still get nauseated and teary when I think about it and that was 6 years ago.  I hate to cry (and puking isn't my favorite pastime either ((neither is uncontrollable shaking)), so I don't watch the news anymore.  Yes, I am very head-in-the-sand about things.  Whatever, I have to cope somehow, and blinders have gotten me this far.

But now I have to stop surfing the net too. I can't get away from the horrible news stories about men who are killing themselves and their families. Why would you kill your family because you made poor financial choices?  That is not the decision a real man makes.  Ever.

Yes, your family will loose everything.  They will be ashamed and angry and possibly hate you, but they will be alive.  

A real man would not take his family with him.  He would allow his wife and kids to live with shame, and hate him forever, but live all the same.

Of course there's the argument that a good man might not get in a situation that dire in the first place, but I'm not judging that part of it.  Good people make really horrible financial decisions all the time.  Bad people murder their families.

There is also the idea that anyone who would do such a thing had to be quite mentally unstable. Yes, there is that element with all suicide.  But this is not suicide, it is murder.  Premeditated at that, you can't kill three people and yourself in a hotel room without a pretty elaborate plan.

To all other men considering familicide: Go ahead and kill yourself if you want to, but leave your wife and kids out of it.  It looks like they will be better off without you anyway.

Yuck, I have to shake this off.  I hate feeling sad and angry.  At least I have the motivation I was looking for. 

I am going to put this song on repeat.  Most people just remember the beginning of the song because the lyrics are shocking (well, they were in the early 80's anyway), but the second half of the song is resonating with me today.  "Don't shoot shoot shoot that thing at me."

Plus, I know all the words and can sing it really loud while I do some mind-numbing chore.