Sunday, April 26, 2009

So no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

My cousin, Nessercakes, tagged me in this meme on facebook.  I figured if I was going to put the effort into answering it, I might as well make it a blog post.  Plus the blog fodder is still light around here.  My family is acting utterly normal, they suck.

1. Kissed any one of your f
acebook friends? Yup (Hi, Sean Harrell (Now all my other fb friends are going to go look at your picture))

2. Been arrested? No, not ever close.

3. Kissed someone you didn't like? Well, I liked him at first.

4. Slept in until 5 PM? No, I've always been an early bird.  However, before I had kids I liked to get up, eat breakfast, read the paper and then go back to sleep for a few more hours.  Man, I would love to do that again some day.

5. Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes, at work, but I was pregnant, so that hardly counts.

6. Held a snake? Sure, creepy crawlies aren't my brand of angst.

7. Ran a red light? Yes, once I made a left turn on a red light.

8. Been suspended from school? Nope, I was a good girl in school.

9. Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? No. But I this one time I was late and the drawbridge was closing so I totally jumped it.  Oh, that didn't really happen?  Man, my dreams have been realistic lately.

10. Been fired from a job? No. I am a kick-ass employee.  However, I foresee me getting fired from a future job because my boss finds the blog.

11. Sang karaoke? Yes, but I barely remember it.  Don't even remember what I sang.  Were any of you there?  Can you flesh out this memory for me?

12. Do you like amusement rides that spin real fast in circles?  Excuse me while I puke.  Seriously, dude, if I you drive too swervy into the driveway I get dizzy.  If I am in an office chair and you bump it, I will get motion sickness.  I can't even swing on a swing-set without feeling a bit lightheaded.

13. Ever peed in the pool? Sure, what do you do when you have to go at the pool?  Oh, you get out and go to the bathroom?  Have you ever seen the bathroom at a public pool?  I'll take my chances with swimming through a little urine, thanks. Side note to the membership committee at The Club. I have never peed in your pool and I know for a fact that your bathrooms are very nice.  I promise not to pee in your pool. Please do not revoke our membership before I have a chance to completely piss (ha! I made a pun) you off and really embarrass myself.  My readers are counting on some funny shit this summer and I was hoping you would figure into it pretty heavily. Side note to Truck. Just kidding, babe, I will totally wait until winter when the golf sucks before I get us kicked out.

14. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Got back together with the guy from question number 3.  Man, he was a moron, what was I thinking?  In my defense, I was in high school and no one had ever begged me to come back to them.  It was kind of intoxicating (for like a week, then I remembered why I dumped him in the first place).

15. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? No, it's hard to make me laugh out loud. 

16. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?  Sure.  I also used to love to eat icicles until my husband told me that was like drinking untreated water off the ground.  Thanks for ruining that simple pleasure for me.

17. Kissed in the rain? I'm going with yes, but I can't remember a specific incident. What a sad thing to be unsure of.

18. Sang in the shower? Yeah, but I sound like Susan Boyle looks.

19. Sat on a rooftop? Yes. Climbed out on to a rooftop, yes.  Jumped off a rooftop, yes.

20. Have you ever flipped someone the bird while driving? No.

21. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? No. But maybe I can work it into my summer antics.

22. Broken a bone? No.

23. Shaved your head? No.

24. Blacked out from drinking? No.  Wow, my answers are suddenly very lame.

25. Played a prank on someone? Not ever a full on prank.  I like to do silly, unexpected things to make people laugh, but a prank implies some level of meanness and I'm not mean-spirited.

26. Ever puked when someone talked you into trying a food you knew you wouldn't like? No. 

27. Felt like killing someone? No.

28. Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes. Thanks for making me feel like a shit, facebook meme.

29. Can you run more than a mile without stopping? Is there a lunatic with a bloody axe in this scenario?

30. Been in a band? No... didn't I clarify that I look more like Susan Boyle than sound like her.  For reals, I cannot sing. At. all. 

31. Shot a gun? Yes, I live in Arkansas.

32. Tripped on mushrooms? Well, I am clumsy. Oh, you mean MUSHROOMS.... still a no. Again, I'll make a note for my summer of fun.

33. Donated Blood? Once, never again. 

34. Eaten alligator meat? I live in Arkansas, not Louisiana.

35. Eaten cheesecake? Yes, but it's a last resort dessert for me.  Right below creme brulee, but still beats out the selection of homemade sorbets. I go for tiramisu or anything with the words chocolate ganache in the description.

36. Still love someone you shouldn't  If loving P. Diddy is wrong, I don't want to be right. Oops, sorry Truck, I never meant for you to find out.

37. Think about the future? Yes, where is my flying car and robo-dog?

38. Believe in Love? Yes, P. Diddy, I do.

39. Sleep on a certain side of the bed? Whichever side will get the least light.  Lights keep me awake.

40. Faked liking someone? Yes, and I am very good at it.  You think I like you, right?

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