So the mean OB-GYN from the movie "Knocked Up" works at my post office

Seriously.  He looks like a taller version of that guy.  But it was his craptastic attitude that sealed it.  I could totally imaging him grilling me about cigarettes and then saying "Do you want to do my job?  Do you want to just deliver that mail yourself.  Should I leave?"

Its after school so both kids are with me.  Huck is carrying the package to be mailed because I am carrying Worm.  I get up to the window and put Worm on the counter.  Post office guy gives me the I-don't-think-so one eyebrow raise thing (that I am seriously jealous of because I can't do it), so I put Worm on the floor.  I turn to get the package from Huck and he is all the way across the room.  I yell "bring it to me, please."  He brings me Mickey Mouse postcards.  I bite back the sarcastic thing I want to say and instead ask for the package in the nicest mommy voice I can muster.  

I am now ready to deal with the guy.  I turn to him and he says in a very snotty voice "I said, do you have something to mail?"  Now I bite back three sarcastic things I want to say (like: If I had heard you the first time don't you think I would have answered?  or: No, I love bringing my children to the post office, can we just stand here a minute? or my favorite: I bought those stamps that you make online with your kid's photo on them. However, they aren't all that photogenic and the stamps turned out ugly.  Can I get my money back?).  Instead I just hand him the package.  

While he is weighing it I accidentally pull some mini Three Musketeers from my coat pocket.  I was going to give them to Huck & Worm in the car for good behavior.  But they have been in my pocket too long and are all melty.  I can't give this to Worm, it will be a chocolate covered nightmare.  Too late, he saw them and is now saying CANDY CANDY CANDY.  

I calmly tell him no.  He begins to cry and yell CANDY CANDY CANDY.  Post office office guy gives me another dirty look.  I am tempted to give Worm the melty candy, put him back on the counter and say "Watch him for a minute while I go peruse the postcards with my older son."

Next, post office guy says: "I suppose you want to mail this as cheaply as possible."  Really? Like you couldn't have found a more polite way to phrase that?  Its not like you get a commission off your sales you bitter little civil servant man.  I explain that its a CANDY CANDY CANDY birthday gift and I would like it there by CANDY CANDY CANDY Friday.  He actually perks up at this because that means I will not be mailing it "as cheaply as possible" Whatever, dude.

It is now time to pay and I swipe my debit card.  Post office guy asks debit or credit.  I say debit, but he cannot hear me over the CANDY CANDY CANDY.  So he asks again in a really slow way like I am mentally challenged "Deeeh-bit or Creeeh-dit?"

Finally my transaction is complete.  I round up the boys and as I am walking out the door I turn and look back at him.  He is looking right at me and I think I can actually read his thoughts.  I am pretty sure he was thinking: Wow, I hope she comes back soon, she was hot.  

Not really.

But I did turn back to look at him and for some bizarre reason he smiles a genuine smile and waves. Whatever, dude.